Selected Quotes from “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?”

I read Mindy Kaling’s “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?” recently. I enjoyed it so much I think I’ve read it three times. Mindy is a comedy writer. In the book, she made some funny and interesting observations. Here are some of my favourite quotes from the book:

 

Mindy on Hollywood Character Cliches:

 

The Sassy Best Friend: You know that really horny and hilarious best friend who is always asking about your relationship and has nothing really going on in her own life? She always wants to meet you in coffee shops or wants to go to Bloomingdale’s to sample perfumes…

 

The Woman Who Works in an Art Gallery:

How many freakin’ art galleries are out there? Are people constantly buying visual art or something? This posh-smart-classy job is a favorite in movies. It’s in the same realm as kindergarten teacher in terms of accessibility: guys don’t really get it, but the trappings of it are likable and non-threatening. This is one of the rare cliches that actually has a male counterpart. Whenever you meet a handsome, charming, successful man in a romantic comedy, the heroine’s friend always says the same thing. “He’s really successful –  he’s an…

(say it with me)

… architect!”

 

The 42-year old mother to the 30-year old male lead:

I am so accustomed to the young mom phenomenon, that when I saw the poster for the Proposal I wondered for a second if the proposal in the movie was Ryan Reynolds suggesting he send his mother, Sandra Bullock, to an old age home.

 

On the Difference Between Men and Boys:

Mindy: Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on mattress that isn’t on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. (…) Men know what they want and they don’t let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary.

 

Boys are adorable. Boys trail off their sentences in an appealing way. Boys bring a knapsack to work. Boys get haircuts from their roommate, who “totally knows how to cut hair.” Boys can pack up their whole life in a duffel bag and move to Brooklyn for a gig if they need to. Boys have “gigs.” Boys are broke. And when they do have money, they spend it on a trip to Colorado to see a music festival. Boys don’t know how to adjust their conversation when they’re talking to their friends or to your parents. Boys are wonderful in a lot of ways. They make amazing, memorable, homemade gifts. They’re impulsive. Boys can talk for hours with you in a diner at three in the morning because they don’t have regular work hours. But they suck to date when you turn thirty.

 

On Turning Thirty:

Mindy: I’m thirty-two and I fully feel like an adult. Sure, sometimes I miss wearing Hello Kitty jewelry or ironic T-shirts from Urban Outfitters on occasion. Who doesn’t? I don’t, because I think it would seem kind of pitiful. But a guy at thirty-two – he can act and dress like a grown man or a thirteen-year-old boy, and both are totally acceptable. Not to me, but to most people.

 

On Depressing Magazine Articles About Relationships:

Mindy: Every couple months or so, some boundary-breaking article comes out in a nationally published magazine. The article makes a big thesis statement about relationships, like, say, how women don’t need men anymore, or how if you’re a woman over thirty-five you should just settle with whatever guy is halfway nice to you, or how monogamy is not feasible or (…) a study is released that says you don’t have to love your kids anymore or something. They’re the kind of articles that are e-mailed everywhere, and I get them forwarded to me about eight times.

 

Why I’m quoting Mindy Kaling so much? What’s with the love fest, you wonder?

I think that comedy, when used effectively and brilliantly, can be used as a tool to point out some sharp observations in a light-hearted manner and challenge people’s notion of a particular topic or issue. I guess you’re more likely to persuade people to change their opinion on something if you can also make them laugh while you’re at it. However, there is such a fine line between being offensive and being funny. So many well-known comedians have proudly claimed that there is no line that they won’t cross in the name of comedy. They would joke about sensitive topics, be it race, religion or even rape. Why the need to stoop so low? It’s such a huge turn-off for me when I see comedians go overboard and think that they have the license to be offensive and just be plain mean. Mindy, on the other hand, is one of those rare comedy writers who seem to care about not going overboard. Perhaps it’s partly because of her indian up-bringing. She doesn’t seem to buy that perception that because I’m in the comedy business, it’s okay for me to be offensive and nasty. Let me end this with her quote on why she thinks comedy roasts are terrible:

“When I watch roasts, I actually feel physically uncomfortable, like when I see a crow feast on a squirrel that has been hit by a car but has not stopped moving yet. The self-proclaimed no-holds-barred atmosphere reminds me of signs for strip clubs on Hollywood Boulevard: “We Have Crazy Girls. They Do Anything!” We don’t have to do anything. Let’s bar some holds.”

– Mindy Kaling

Make Things Better or Let Them Go

Designer / blogger / entrepreneur Tina Eisenberg a.k.a Swissmiss gave a talk about The Power of Side Projects and Eccentric Aunts. In the talk, she shared things she had learned over the years, and she made two points that I think are pertinent:

“Don’t be a complainer. Make things better or let them go. I have zero tolerance for people that complain. But I have so much respect for people that make.”

One of the things I notice happening a lot lately, thanks to social networks, is that there are so many people out there who love to complain about the littlest of things. There’s this culture of making sneaky, whiny and cynic comments on twitter about almost everything. Maybe some people think by making such contemptuous comments publicly they are outsmarting the things / people / companies / products that they criticize. I don’t know. I’m tired of it. It is such a bad vibe to be around. Which brings me to the next point that Tina made in her talk:

 

“Ignore the haters. When you’re a maker and a doer, it also comes with people nitpicking on you. It took me quite a while to get good with the haters and at this point haters get none of my time. Zero. (…) Stay away from people who are fond of disliking things. You should be around people that like things, that are encouraging.”

 

 

 

 

2011 in Review

2011 has been an eventful year for many reasons. At the end of February 2011, I left my full-time job and started working independently as a designer. I’ve been blessed to have had the opportunity to work on interesting projects with some amazing people and do a bit of travel in 2011. I’ve also enjoyed working from my home studio and spending more time with my family. Given my problem with remembering things if I don’t write them down somewhere, I’d like to write briefly some of the highlights of the past year:

JANUARY

Tied up some loose ends on remaining projects at work.

FEBRUARY

Prepared for the transition of projects and tasks at work. Goodbye dinners and lunches with colleagues. Here’s my favourite Mamawich! Singapore’s best vegetarian & organic sandwich.Went to Dubai and Sharjah to visit my relatives and my cousin who got married. Met my little cousin nephews and nieces for the 1st time. 

MARCH

Took about 2 weeks’ break. Read 3 incredible books which I bought when Borders bookstore was closing down:

• Leaving Microsoft to Change the World by John Wood
• Arctic Diary: Surviving on Thin Ice by Sam and Richard Branson (I HAVE to go to Antartica someday)
• Cooked: From the Streets to the Stove, from Cocaine to Foie Gras by Jeff Henderson

Set up my workspace at home. Bought a Macbook Pro for work. Registered myself as a sole proprietor of my design practice. All was done online and the business was registered within minutes. Singapore is really the easiest place in the world to do business. Put up my portfolio site online. Speaking of which, I really need to update the portfolio with recent projects.

Started playing basketball with my sister and cousin. Also, I stopped running due to a heel injury.

APRIL 

Worked on my 1st project: an android mobile application which was later scrapped. Attended my 1st classical music live performance by my alma mater’s music graduates.

MAY

Worked on the re-design of a site for a startup that my former colleague started in Indonesia called Jobloker. I voted for the 1st time during Singapore’s 16th General Election. It was a landmark election in which the opposition won a GRC for the 1st time and my town went from an opposition ward to a PAP ward for the 1st time since like ever.

I attended a huge rally at a stadium, said to be the biggest rally turnout that election year.

Attended my 1st concert at the Esplanade. Sara Bareilles, who plays piano pop / rock music performed for the 1st time in Singapore. I know this is going to sound really really cheesy, but her 2nd album helped me go through a tough break-up.

Went to Cherating with the family to fetch my sister home. Had some really funny memorable moments with the family.

JUNE

Worked on a property site for PropertyGuru, Singapore’s leading property site. It was fascinating immersing myself in the property world for a bit. Joined my 1st live sketching session with the nice people at the Urban Sketchers Singapore at Tiong Bahru.

Started making some really yummy Veggie Shakes, inspired by Maggie Q.

JULY

Worked on a restaurant reservation site for a start-up. Launching in 2012, insyalla. This was a really fun and intense project. Didn’t get much sleep in this month.

AUGUST

Ramadhan! Took some time off from work. Had a blast having Iftar with my family everyday, except for the few evenings that I had meetings. Voted at the Singapore Presidential Election 2011. It was a really close contest. Since presidency is really a ceremonial position here, I didn’t give it much of a fuss.

SEPTEMBER

Eidul Fitr! Worked on the designs for an iPad site re-design for a Telco company. Went to New Zealand for about 2 weeks where I made a new friend almost everyday, a new thing for me. Visited Waitomo, Auckland, Queenstown, Arrowtown, Milford Sound, Te Anau and Christchurch. Cried so many times because the place was so beautiful.

OCTOBER

Worked on a government project with a new partner Mindlens, a design research firm. Had an amazing weekend at Startup Weekend Singapore. Designed a volunteer management system called Do Something Good which is now in beta. We’re launching in 2012, insyalla. Met some crazy smart talented dynamic kind people there. The momentum at the event was just infectious.

Also, my elder sister gave birth to her second child, Omar!

I got myself an android phone, switching from iPhone to Android was a bit scary in the beginning!

NOVEMBER

Worked on my 2nd government / public sector project for the Singapore Tourism Board. This was a really fun project. Visited the Marina Bay Sands for the 1st time with friends from KL. Started playing Risk, the world domination game with my siblings. We became really obsessed with this game. Painted my room all white!

DECEMBER

Worked on my 3rd government project, this time for the Ministry of Defence. Attended the Visual Interface Design program at Cooper U, San Francisco, partly funded by a SingaporeDesign Council grant.

Visited my sister and her family in Atlanta, including my newborn nephew Omar! Read two amazing books:

• Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua
• Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me by the hilarious comedy writer Mindy Kaling.

Also, my siblings taught me how to play Poker and I started playing chess again. Old school board games and card games are in again at home.

 

There you have it. Have a great year ahead!

 

Bottom Line

“We have more processing power, affordable tools, and combined intelligence right this very minute than at any point in the history of design. We are using it to build shit. It’s time to aim higher. Let’s find problems to solve that actually improve people’s lives.

Whether it’s figuring out a better way to access medical records, figuring out how 14 year olds can stop carrying forty pounds of textbooks back and forth to school every day, or a reservation system for the communal rooftop farm in your building, there has got to be something more beneficial to society than the next Facebook clone.”

- Mike Monteiro on .net magazine

Time After Time

I chanced upon this movie called The Evening at a video store few months back. I can’t say that I like the movie very much but it has this lovely bit where the character played by Claire Danes sing this beautiful lilting song called ‘Time After Time’. The style of the music is characteristic of that 50s era, one I’m not at all familiar with, but this one’s my favourite so far.

Veggie Shake: Spinach, Apple, Papaya & Yogurt

Veggie Shake: Spinach, Apple, Papaya & Yogurt, originally uploaded by hami_nd.

This is the first time I’m adding yogurt to my veggie shake. I can’t say if it’s tastier or less tasty, but it definitely gives the veggie shake a smoother texture.

Fun ways to cope

My grandfather came for a visit. He gave me a lecture / rant / that thing that old people do. I made myself a 2nd cup of coffee and made myself eat prune cake to cope and just smile.

When and if I get to be a parent one day and the kids give me some weird attitude I don’t understand, I wonder if I’ll make myself a cup coffee too and just eat prune cake and smile.

It’s a shame really

Historic moment was made today when Mahmoud Abbas presented Palestinian’s application to be a full member state at the UN General Assembly. As I was listening to his speech afterwards, it’s hard not to feel hopeful for a positive outcome for Palestine as a state, even if it is most unlikely that it will happen this time around. More than anything, it’s a huge moment for Palestinians to have the world listening to their plights, their hopes and their voice in that speech. That in itself is a huge win, even if the application doesn’t succeed.

However, the most painful truth is not the fact that Palestinian’s application will be vetoed by the US or that it will not be realized. They can blame Israel or the US all they want, but the most painful thing is the fact that Palestine is so not united right now, at a time when their unity is most needed. Hamas was even against the Palestinian application to UN. There is just no sense of unity that one would expect from a nation seeking to form a state. How are you going to run a country if you can’t get yourself together as a people?

An even more painful fact is they do not seem to realize the importance of having a united front. What we usually hear is a vocabulary of sentimentality, which is understandable given their sufferings but sentimentality won’t help.

Beyond that, look at all the other Arab states. How many of the Arab states have been killing their own people lately? It’s astonishing to read reports of Arabs killing Arabs. These are some very very corrupted states. Even as horrible Arab leaders are overthrown, things are so unstable and the people in Middle East so lacking in leadership and direction, you have to wonder how long it will be before we can see any progress.

Only they can dig themselves out of this hole. Blaming the US or the world or Israel for their issues will never get them out of this mess and they ought to be more smarter than that by now, and more organized, strong and united as a people.

Can nature inspire virtue?

In his book, ‘The Art of Travel’, Alan de Botton dwelled on the 19th century English poet, Wordsworth and his fascination with Nature and how Nature’s loveliness, according to Wordsworth, encourage us to locate the good in ourselves.

“Nature would, Wordsworth proposed, dispose us to seek out in life and in each other, ‘Whate’er there is desirable and good‘. She was an ‘image of right reason ‘that would temper the crooked impulses of urban life.”

“Two people standing on the edge of a rock overlooking a stream and a grand wooded valley might transform their relationship not just with nature, but as significantly, with each other.”

Alan’s suggestions on how people and nature can influence our behaviour,

“Our identities are to a greater or lesser extent malleable; that we change according to whom – and sometimes what – we are with. The company of certain people excites our generosity and sensitivity, of others, our competitiveness and envy. A’s obsession with status and hierarchy may – almost imperceptibly – lead B to worry about his significance. A’s jokes may quietly lend assistance to B’s hitherto submerged sense of the ridiculous. But move B to another environment and his concerns will subtly shift in relation to a new interlocutor.

What may then be expected to occur to a person’s identity in the company of a cataract or mountain, an oak tree or a celandine – objects which, after all, have no conscious concerns and so, it would seem, cannot either encourage or censor behaviour? And yet an inanimate object may, (…) still work an influence on those around it. Natural scenes have the power to suggest certain values to us – oaks dignity, pines resolution, lakes calm – and, in unobtrusive ways, may therefore act as inspirations to virtue.”

I guess it’s hard for one to feel high and mighty when standing small in the face of a tall and majestic mountain. In such an instance no feelings seem possible except awe and humility. If by merely looking at the mountains can inspire the feeling of awe and humility, then perhaps every bit of nature can also be a reminder of good values.

On-going suspense

I was sitting in a bus one day on my way to school, when I was about 10 years old, and I had bumped into one of my classmates. She boarded the bus, spotted me, we exchanged smiles, she came over and sat next to me.

She was holding a book in her hand. I asked her what she was reading. She said she had just started reading this book about a girl who had one day discovered that her ‘mother’ turned out to be a woman who had kidnapped her when she was very little. I was so intrigued by the premise of the story and had wanted to know how the story went from there but it was all my friend had read at that point and I didn’t follow up with her afterwards.

15 years later, I still don’t know what happened to the girl. I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit lately I’m just dying to find out the rest of the story.