I’m blogging again and this can mean only 2 things:
1. I’m emotionally charged (either too happy, angry, sad or mad)
2. Nobody is listening to me in my daily life that I have to let my thoughts out on a virtual space like this blog.
A number of crazy CRAZY things happened this week, I’ve went from being incredibly ecstatic to a deep hole of madness. There are a few things that I’ve learned this week, I’m trying not to make general assumptions, but these are things that I’ve found out this week:
1. If someone tells you “tell me the truth, I can handle it” or “don’t hesitate to speak your mind”, they don’t really mean it the way you think they mean it. And I don’t blame them. Truth IS hard to handle. Especially when it is said in the most straight-forward and direct way. Some people think truth is best served cold. But seriously, some people lose their jobs and relationships for telling the truth. (This week, I nearly lost both for saying what I think). Most of the time, people want to hear what they expect to hear. Even when they say ”tell me what you think”. What they are actually saying is “tell me what you think I think you should be saying“. In those rare cases when you actually meet someone who can handle hearing what you think with an open mind and without getting ridiculously emotional about it, even when he totally disagrees with you, then you have found a gem.
2. There’s a difference between WANT and NEED. Most of us know that. It’s one of the first things I learned in business class. Yet, it is not always applied in our every day life.
3. I think I have to learn not to trust people so easily. Which is hard. Because I need to trust people to live in a sane way, but I need to trust the right people. How do you know you’re right to trust a particular person? In some cases, you’d never know. If someone is to be 100% careful about trusting people, he has to live on his own. He won’t take the public bus because he can’t trust the driver to get him to his destination safely. He can’t use a public toilet because he can’t trust the door lock being secure enough. You see where I’m going?
Growing up, I watched the X-Files episodes a lot. I remember this line from the X-Files, “Trust no one, agent Mulder, not even yourself”.
Even after all that has happened, I think I haven’t learned my lessons. I don’t want to be a person who has difficulty trusting people. What kind of life is that, not being able to trust? I WANT to trust people. I WANT to take that risk, you know what I mean? Hopeless, I know.
4. Growing up, some of my favourite words are “I’m past caring…(…)” and “I don’t give a damn”. Honestly, these were some of my very very favourite phrases. It has served me very well on some occasions, where I find myself being able to move on quickly to other things when things don’t go well as planned. On some other occasions, this kind of mentality doesn’t serve me very well and it hurts the people I actually care about. Ouch.
5. Justice is hard. Forgiveness is easier. It’s easier to just forgive someone silently, than to take the person to justice. Plus, getting lawyers is seriously expensive. But fair is fair. May God bless the people who are fair and just. We need more of them in this world. May God give us the strength to be fair and just.
I don’t give a damn.
