Few days ago I came across a TV recording of an orchestra playing a Mozart piece. What made the difference was the unpredictable expressions from the pianist. Her eyes glared and narrowed, her body jerked and jumped from the seat, sometimes shaking and shuddering repeatedly. Her lips sometimes pursed and her mouth opened as if murmuring something.
It was so interesting to watch. It was hysterical.
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(photo credit: j_piepkorn65)
The photo above is of an abandoned house in North Dakota, a very Ulu place as you can guess. National Geographic (January 2008 edition) has an article on some dying and abandoned small counties and towns in North Dakota. The photos are very gripping. Entire communities are disappearing. One of the old residents interviewed, Ragnar Slaaen, 96 years old, said it could be 6 months sitting alone in his house, not seeing or meeting anyone. In one county, a baby was born for the first time in 20 years. In another town called Hanks, there is only one resident, a 53 year-old Debra Quarne. The town used to have 200 residents. Debra said, “I love it here, it’s my own little corner of the world.” I’m not sure if they even have internet there. Melvin Wisdahl, 83 years old. has to climb up the knoll by the house to try to get a reception on his hand phone so he could order a magazine from Texas. Tom Rafferty, 59 years old, looked through his grandfather’s diary from 1908 and said, “there were a lot of suicides, I think in many cases it was financial-they were down and out- and in other cases, it was the loneliness.” Read the entire article here.
If I were born in one of them ghost towns in North Dakota, I would be the first to leave. I’d pack up my bags and go. Holidays and festive seasons can sometimes be very uncomfortable and make me restless. Why? Because it is usually during these times that you have to face the reality of who you are, without hiding behind the curtain of work, school and all your normal daily routine. If you take away all your daily commitments, who are you? How will your life be? What will you do? These are the things that make me uncomfortable. People living in solitude, like the surviving residents of North Dakota, probably have come to terms with something, some kind of understanding, that they can no longer feel uncomfortable having to deal with the realities of life. They are okay not seeing or involving in a life except their own.
I spend my hours and days doing work, listening to lectures, emailing people, SMS-ing, playing with my niece, hanging out with friends, watching other people live their lives on TV, checking out my friends feeds on Facebook, reading other people’s blogs, reading books and stories about other people, and I try to find meaning of my own life by involving myself and relating to others. I feel like I need others to help me define my life and my priorities. If I can’t connect with others, I feel restless because where now can I find meaning in my life? I feel alive seeing and involving myself with other people’s joys and sorrows. and I need to know that there are people who know that I’m alive and well. If no one knows that you are alive, then as far as the world is concerned, you are dead. You don’t exist. Even if you are alive, surviving somewhere alone. You know what I mean? and I have to write all this to explain why holidays make me uncomfortable. Weird, huh?
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